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The Stoner Jesus Chronicles

The home of the one and only Stoner Jesus

Saturday, April 3, 2010

Stoner Music: In a Gadda da Vida

Fucking classic.



Stoner Commandment #8

Stoner Commandment #8: Thou shall smoke your weed for free with a hot chick (or hot guy depending on your situation). A chance at sex is worth the smoke you give up.

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Stoner Commandment #7

Stoner Commandment #7: Thou shall not spill the bong water. That shit reeks dude, you have no idea.

Stoner Music: Comfortably Numb

From "The Wall: The Movie."

Weed Bikini


This chick wants to be an apostle.

The Stoner Bible: Chapter1, Verse 3

Do not judge, lest people be judgin' on you.

So, I'm chillin' with my crew...my posse...my...dudes I hang with. Smokin' the ganj, creepin' on some bitches. But my moms, The Virgin Mary, starts wiggin' on me, talkin' about the bad crowd I'm runnin' with.

"They're no good Jesus," she would say to me. "They'll end up dead or in prison."

"Well," I said, "if they die I can raise them from the dead." Moms didn't think that was funny...it's just Jesus humor yo.

But I liked my new homies. John The Baptist, Peter The Rock, Matthew The Buzzkill (Matthew liked to talk a lot during doobage, hence Stoner Commandment #1). There was also James The Pimp, Judas The Bitch, and Mary The Train Track...I hope I don't need to explain that last one, it's very graphic.

Moms thought we were up to no good, but we were out spreading the message of the miracle weed. We gained new followers every day...

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