Sunday, February 28, 2010
Stoner Commandment #3
Stoner Commandment #3: Thou who rolled it, lights it. Thou can pass this privilege onto another if they desire.
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Sermon From The Bong #1: Haters
Welcome, my children. It's time for a sermon from the bong. Take a hit and let me drop some knowledge.
There are a lot of haters out there. People who want to bring you down, because it makes them feel better about themselves. Most people know this, but if you haven't learned it yet, you will.
These are the people who haven't accomplished anything. Deep down they know this, and they lash out to hide their insecurities. They fill the forums of the internet today like they filled the forum in old Rome. They yearn to see the blood spilled.
But those people don't run your life. They don't know you; your ups and downs, your hopes and fears. They won't be there to help you when you fall, only to kick you when you're down. Drop these people from your life.
The only influence they have is what influence you let them have.
There are a lot of haters out there. People who want to bring you down, because it makes them feel better about themselves. Most people know this, but if you haven't learned it yet, you will.
These are the people who haven't accomplished anything. Deep down they know this, and they lash out to hide their insecurities. They fill the forums of the internet today like they filled the forum in old Rome. They yearn to see the blood spilled.
But those people don't run your life. They don't know you; your ups and downs, your hopes and fears. They won't be there to help you when you fall, only to kick you when you're down. Drop these people from your life.
The only influence they have is what influence you let them have.
Stoner Commandment #2
Stoner Commandment #2: Thou shall not bogart the weed. Puff puff pass that shit. It's not all about you.
My Original Stoner Jesus Pic
My profile pic for the original Stoner Jesus Myspace page, before I got the drawing you see at top of blog.
Stoner Commandment #1
Stoner Commandment #1: Thou shall not talk excessively while smoking. Shut the fuck up and smoke.
Turns Out Charles Barkley is Mentally Challenged
Some people thought they knew that already, but Charles was kind enough to videotape proof.
The Stoner Bible: Chapter 1, Verse 1
In the beginning, there was weed. And it was good.
This is the saga of Stoner Jesus. On this blog will flow the ultimate of Stoner experiences, The Stoner Bible. Learn it, Live it, Love it...or something like that.
My mom, the Virgin Mary, smoked a shitload of weed while she was pregnant with me. It was immaculate. I chilled in her smoked-filled sac for a while (I don't know how long, stoners aren't good with time), then she popped me out. After that, it wasn't as easy to score weed.
Moms still had the hookup, and Joseph was smokin' mad dank, but no one ever thought to hook a brother up. My real Dad, God, got me on the weekends, but he was too busy to spend time with me. Something about running the world. I just think he was watching porn or something.
So early on I had to fend for myself, and score my Mary Jane on the black market.
Stay tuned for more, coming soon...
This is the saga of Stoner Jesus. On this blog will flow the ultimate of Stoner experiences, The Stoner Bible. Learn it, Live it, Love it...or something like that.
My mom, the Virgin Mary, smoked a shitload of weed while she was pregnant with me. It was immaculate. I chilled in her smoked-filled sac for a while (I don't know how long, stoners aren't good with time), then she popped me out. After that, it wasn't as easy to score weed.
Moms still had the hookup, and Joseph was smokin' mad dank, but no one ever thought to hook a brother up. My real Dad, God, got me on the weekends, but he was too busy to spend time with me. Something about running the world. I just think he was watching porn or something.
So early on I had to fend for myself, and score my Mary Jane on the black market.
Stay tuned for more, coming soon...
Friday, February 26, 2010
Welcome
Welcome to The Stoner Jesus Chronicles, your home for everything Stoner Jesus. I will be writing The Stoner Bible, The Stoner Commandments, Sermons from The Bong, as well as anything else I want to talk about or show you. Get baked and get ready, it's The Stoner Jesus Chronicles.
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