The herb is the tree of life. Cherish it, for it will bring you to being stoned like a mofo.
Scoring herb isn't easy when you're a toddler. Dealers are all paranoid, like you're a narc or something. Where would I hide a mic, my diaper?
Luckily I met a really kick-ass dealer, John The Baptist. They called him "The Baptist" because when people passed out drunk at his parties, he would piss on them and scream, "you've been baptized!"
Often John and I would stay up late into the night, discussing philosophy and religion, taking fat blunts to the dome.
And when it came to bitches, John always had the hook up. The hoes were on his jock like crabs on Paris Hilton. Times were good for Lil' Stoner Jesus.
Stay tuned to this blog for continuing installments of The Stoner Bible...
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you are trying really hard to suck at life
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